The Wonder Of It All

 "Stop and smell the roses."  

How often is that spoken (or yelled) out of a place of anger or frustration?

To me, that is a tragedy.

I used to think that I was a simpleton.. that literally taking in the smell of the roses as I walked by a bush (or at the supermarket) made me look corny... or just sitting at the foot of the ocean: so enraptured by the sound and smell and its deafening roar (no matter the size of the tide) made me look like someone who should really be somewhere else, doing something more important...Or to just take a deep breath when walking to Panera for my mid-morning breakfast: just because it smells like Spring. To smile at a child as her or she runs to (or let's be honest, away from  mom or dad... :) But lately, lately I have just been sensing these moments as gifts from God: gifts to be unwrapped and enjoyed.

Reading today from Brennan Manning's, "The Ragamuffin Gospel" just reiterated what He has been implanting in my soul... Here is an excerpt: 

"By and large, our world has lost its sense of wonder. We have grown up. We no longer catch our breath at the sight of a rainbow or the scent of a rose, as we once did. We have grown bigger and everything else smaller, less impressive. We get blase and worldly-wise and sophisticated. We no longer run our fingers through water, no longer shout at the stars or make faces at the moon. Water is H20, the stars have been classified, and the moon is not made of green cheese.... We barely notice the cloud passing over the moon or the dewdrops clinging to the rose petals...[and] We rake up every leaf as fast as it falls.

So often we religious people walk amid the beauty and bounty of nature and we talk nonstop. we miss the panorama of color and sound and smell.

Living by the gospel of grace leads us into what Teilhard de Chardin called 'the divine milieu'-- a God-filled, Christ-soaked universe. A world charged with the grandeur of God. How do we live in the prsence of the living God? In wonder, amazed by the traces of God all around us."

Sometimes I just long to go for a walk by a river....through a garden... through the woods. To imagine, to dream, to just be. Why is that to just sit and be still and just be is frowned up? We mustdo. We must watch or we must ... well, whatever it is of course, we must. But I feel called to do more than just do  and must: I feel called to just be. To observe. To soak in. And most of all, to enjoy. I'll leave us with one of my favorite prayers of all time:"Dear Lord, grant me the grace of wonder. Surprise me, amaze me, awe me in every crevice of Your universe. Delight me to see how Your Christ plays in ten thousand places, lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not His, to the Father through the features of men's faces. Each day enrapture me with Your marvelous things without number. I do not ask to see the reason for it all; I ask only to share the wonder of it all."  

                                         -Rabbi Joshua Braham Heschel 

I am DETERMINED to be BACK.

I am not a writer.
I do not claim to be... well, alright, so, perhaps I do want to be a writer, but I'm really not. Sometimes I feel as though I have really great thoughts and almost really great ways of writing those thoughts, however, I'm not a writer. (Such as the contractions that I have already used in this.)


HOWEVER, I love journaling. I love writing my thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams and somehow, just somehow I feel that those hopes and dreams are more likely to come to reality for me if I write them 'aloud'. Sometimes writing is my I-know-I'll-believe-it-and-stand-for-it-more-if-I-just-publicly-declare-what-I-am-feeling.


So, stay tuned.

Christians Are Wussies.

...come on Christian--you must agree. WE are WUSSIES.

Too often we let (or make) God fight our battles for us. We let Him do all the fighting for us... we don't take up our own cross and fight the crowd ourselves.... we always read "stand firm! stand fast!" "resist the devil & he'll flee!"--and we forget we're told (in Eph. 6), "...and after you have done EVERYTHING, to stand". Also--our sword is DOUBLE-EDGED. So that means we don't just stand: we DEFEND. (if you've ever done sports --you then know what it's like to be attacked.) It also means that we ATTACK. We PEIRCE. We push THROUGH. we FIGHT.

So you are probably asking where in the WORLD is this coming from Shauna? I don't know how to explain it than the fact that I was under attack last night. And somehow.... I realized that He was purifying me.... and somehow out of that came this new way to "see".......... I don't fight. I don't fight for God. I sit back and say, "oh, well, it happened so God must've wanted it to happen..." --But not necessarily. I know that I have to the gifts of discernment & intercession: but how often do I use those gifts so that I can fight for Him? So that I can fight for His glory? So I can fight for others hearts, minds & souls? Sadly enough...... I don't fight enough.

So this is my challenge: that we rise up and we fight. We fight the pain. Look like fools for Christ & for His glory and we live our lives as defenders of the God of whom we are NOT ashamed (or supposed to not be ashamed of...).

"Whatever happens... conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then... I will know that you stand firm in ONE spirit, CONTENDING as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed, but that you will be saved--and that by God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for Him..." -- the Apostle Paul, Phil 1: 27-29

Ps..... if you don't think our Lord is a Lord of War.... read the Old Testament....

...just a glimpse....

You know it's funny... how at one moment we can be mad at the WORLD & all of humanity--and then a friend makes you laugh and suddenly, life is beautiful. Those moments that you lay in bed WIDE awake... dreaming of.... I don't know: what SHOULD be? What life COULD be? And you long for a place where you feel you've been... yet you've never reallly been there. Or you see yourself and how you wish you could be.... braver, stronger, more beautiful, fearless.... and then you fall asleep: dream of being that warrior or princess and then wake up to your SCREAMING alarm clock & remember, "Ohhhh, right, this is life...."

I know, i KNOW what you all are saying, "Shauna--come on... a bit "Eldridge-life", don't you think? And i have to TOTALLY agree with you but at the VERY same time... totally saying, "NO!" WE WEREN'T CREATED FOR THIS WORLD... and today--------- today I caught a glimpse of what we WERE created for. Intimacy. Love. Freedom. Worship.

It's funny how I walked thru the first few hours at church with my emotions of "Crap! i hate being single today!" "Crap! i have to go to work today!" --and yet at the very same time--knowing... no, aware? mmm... nope: SENSING that Jesus was there. So was His Father. And so was the Spirit. Something was going to happen......... there's nothing like feeling so inadequate when you know that the Three Most Beautiful Persons in all (and out) of--well-- EXISTENCE is there watching you....... and more than that-- LONGING for you to just.......... just BE. It's alarming and frightening and relaxing and beautiful, all at the same time.

As I look back on this morning, I remembered that the Scripture that was read aloud wasn't Scripture about us humans--but HIM. I guess i've just begun to realize so often that we put OURSELVES in Scripture. "He loves YOU" (yes! He loves MMMEEE!) "He died for you" (yes! He died for MEEEEE!). don't get me wrong--nothing wrong with that whatsoever: and we all know that we all need to remember that from time to time--but what about remembering that... well, it's all about HIM?! HE's the one (that loves us)... HE'S the one (that died...) He's the one who is literally holding our bodies together at this precise moment as we read this note.... HE's the one spoke creation out of N-O-T-H-I-N-G. HE's the one whom we will cast down our crowns at HIS FEET (that HE GAVE US, by the way)....--

Anyways, so I guess that i've just totally gone on about all this ramblingness from my brain: but one thing I remembered today was that ..... I was made for something more than "this".... I was made to exist with Him--to walk and talk with Him (and others).... I was made for a home that isn't in or of this world.....

"Even so, Come..."

Deepest Apologies....

Dearest Readers...

My deepest apologies for not updating soo--
well, at all!

The camp does not allow me access to blogs, hence my lack of updating. I happened to think of it while here at my Aunt's place.

New things: Summer--great summer. ARISE performed at SoulFest ...we're hoping to do that again! I'm leaving MBC as the Lord has called me to leave.... I'm looking for a job/s, apartment AND car, lol.... the car's on it's way, I know of an apartment I can have... now juuust the job/s. :) It's scarey, esp. since what the Lord has called me to do is not what others (or myself, to be honest) would have me to do. Am I not willing to be (and look like) a failure for the cause of Christ? Anyways... feel free to email me (or Facebook me) for more info on that.

Oh--I'm a quarter of a century old now... YIKESABEE! ;)

link for some "recent" pics, lol: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=-3&l=2d0a4&id=501871050

love,
shauna marie

ps... hopefully I can get a laptop and keep up w/ this starting w/in the next few weeks!

More Reflections.

So, I missed California today. Crazy, I know, ;) But i've been missing my friends, church and beach (and Starbucks;) lately... Congratulations to my friend Marla on graduating from College! Man.... I remember those days.

just kidding... I just wanted to say it though.

Here's a couple of more pics. I had a few friends visit me (renee and alisha poorman) and one of my aunts and a few of my cousins (Did i ever mention that my mom is the oldest of 14? so i have QUITE A FEW 1st cousins, lol)... so here's some pics. Enjoy!

Tour Life... kind of.

K, well, here are just a few more. Upper left: joel and nate: joel=amazing electric guitarist: Nate=amazing drummer. Upper right: terry (amazing sound man) pretending to put gappher's tape around B.'s mouth, then some how, B. convinced Terry to pose w/ the fake Terry (the manniquin)... then B. and Jess. w/ "Terry", then there's Alicia: our amazing Violinist.. she's amazing. has her own cd: maybe this should be her next cd cover...

Camp's coming up soon. That's pretty weird to think. Still sort of feel's like Fall to me. Maybe my body will sometime catch up to Life.... who knows. :) I'm trying to get a car by the Fall... perhaps I will see you all soon...............